To Any Girl Who May Read This:
First of all I want to apologize. I want to apologize on behalf of males everywhere. We are sinful people. Unfortunately girls, many of those sins involve you. As males, we are visual creatures. We take things we see and we process them in our mind and over and over again. Those images become imprinted upon our minds. Sadly, we take things we see much further than we should. We lust. We sin. It’s our fault. It’s 100% our fault. We can’t blame this on anyone else. When we sin it’s because we have chosen to let our mind escape God’s plan for us to be pure and holy. Instead, we have lustful thoughts, often taking a simple image and turning it into something sexual. We’ve viewed girls as objects, not as God’s creation. We’re sinful. We have no excuse. I’m sorry.
Girls, I ask you to help us with this battle. Once again, it is sin on our part and we are responsible for the impure thoughts that enter our minds. However, you can help us. The Bible discusses “stumbling blocks.” Many girls, whether they know it or not are stumbling blocks. You may say, “It’s not my fault if a guy lusts after me,” but if that’s your attitude, you are only contributing to a deadly problem. Girls, I plead that you won’t take that type of attitude, but rather will aim to help us guys who are struggling. You often don’t know how little it takes to set off a spark in our minds, but there’s little things you can do to help us with this issue. Consider the pictures you post on Facebook. Are you showing off your midriff? Do you show your off portions of your back? Are you showing the world your tattoos or piercings which are in “convenient” places? Do you post pictures of yourself at the beach or pictures of you and your friends in bikinis? You may think it’s completely innocent, but you have no idea what is happening in the mind of a guy when he sees that. You may say that it’s no different than what a guy would see at the pool or beach. While that may be true, I implore that you aim to be modest when at the pool or beach. Not only that, but please remember that the pictures you post on Facebook and MySpace–the pictures that show up in our main feed and stay there for days–are a constant visual reminder of your your body, bikini, stomach, tan lines, etc. Do you want our minds dwelling on that image for days?
Unfortunately, this issue is very prominent inside the church as well. It constantly amazes me what some girls wear to church. Once again, if we lust it is our sin, but girls there is no need to show cleavage in any circumstance, most notable inside the walls of the church. Whether it’s showing cleavage, a “shadow,” or just allowing your shirt/blouse to reveal too much skin, your dress can be very distracting to our worship. When we are trying to concentrate on the things of God, the last thing we need is a lustful distraction. This makes me sick and I feel like it is a battle I have to face many Sundays. Whether it is a girl wearing a skirt that is too short or a girl wearing a top that is either too low cut or too loose fitting, I hate trying to have a conversation with a girl while my concentration is constantly being tempted by something else.
I have a fear that many girls who read this will champion the cause but never stop to think about their own dress, actions, or pictures. Unfortunately, for many girls, the definition of modesty is “any girl who dresses more immodest than me.” That definition is dangerous and self-righteous.
I also have a fear that many girls do the things they do to attract certain attention. They want to receive attention from guys and/or want to feel good about themselves. They affirm themselves by receiving glances/stares from men. Once again, this is a dangerous problem with pride at its root. If a girl dresses provocatively to receive attention, is she truly receiving attention that glorifies God, or is she the object of another man’s lust. Sadly, for many girls, I don’t think it matters…as long as they receive the attention.
Girls, I ask you for your help. Help the husbands who are trying to stay faithful to their wives in thoughts and actions. Help the boyfriends who are trying to stay faithful to their girlfriends through pure thoughts and deeds. Help the single men who may be struggling to find some type of intimate fulfillment. In a world that is becoming more pornographic everyday, I plead you to take a stand right now and decide to become part of the solution and not part of the problem. I do not believe you can take a neutral stand on this position.
If this was an issue that only affected a small portion of guys, or only applied to the girls we label as “sluts,” I would not even mention it. Unfortunately, I believe this problem affects nearly every man on this planet. Sadly, stumbling blocks have come from girls who are friends inside and outside the church, acquaintances, and mere strangers.
Francis Chan says that every morning we should ask God, “Are the things I’m wearing bringing glory to Your name?” There is no neutral answer. Either we honor God with our bodies and our dress, or we dishonor His name.
Girls, please help us in this fight. If you could see inside our heads for just 1 minute, it might revolutionize everything about the way you live. We need your help. Please don’t be that stumbling. Rather, be the godly encouragement every man needs.