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Do you have a definition of modesty? Not like a dictionary definition, but do you have your own definition? A few years ago I heard a speaker talking about the issue of modesty. He said the sad thing is that many girls have the following definition of immodesty: “Anyone who is dressing more immodest than I am.” In other words, many girls have falsely convinced themselves that they are the epitome of modesty, but anyone who dresses less modest crosses the line into immodesty. What’s so sad about this is that many girls have convinced themselves they dress modest when they truly do not.

As a twentysomething male, the issue of modesty is very important to me. As I engage in a daily battle to control my thoughts, I appreciate those girls who make the effort to keep from being a stumbling block. Sadly, from Wal Mart to McDonalds and even to church, I see many girls who have ignored the call to modesty. And yet I wonder how many of them think they are dressing in a modest fashion.

I’ve heard some argue “Well, if a guy can’t control his thoughts, that’s his problem.” That answer is 100% correct and 100% selfish. If I sin, it is my sin and I am responsible. However, if you refuse to help the opposite sex  in this battle and decide to be a stumbling block, you are basically saying “The attention my body gets is more important than your spiritual walk.”

So let me ask all of the females out there…do you have a definition of modesty? Not a dictionary definition, but do you have a practical definition of modesty that you abide by? Also, if you see a friend wearing something that is immodest, do you mention it to her and/or even ask her to change her clothing?

As much as I would love to blog, I have no time today. So, instead, let me provide you with a reminder to listen to The Brink Podcast by visiting www.thebrinkonline.com/podcast or clicking on the magazine logo above.

In this week’s episode (8/14) we discussed Michael Vick, saving money for college, Ouija Boards, and the question that is bound to make you uncomfortable: Do Christian women dress too sexy?

Also check out the previous podcasts while you’re on the site. You can download them from iTunes, put them on a CD, and take them with you in your car. It’s like we’re sitting in the passenger seat with you…but with more room!

Your thoughts?

To Any Girl Who May Read This:

First of all I want to apologize. I want to apologize on behalf of males everywhere. We are sinful people. Unfortunately girls, many of those sins involve you. As males, we are visual creatures. We take things we see and we process them in our mind and over and over again. Those images become imprinted upon our minds. Sadly, we take things we see much further than we should. We lust. We sin. It’s our fault. It’s 100% our fault. We can’t blame this on anyone else. When we sin it’s because we have chosen to let our mind escape God’s plan for us to be pure and holy. Instead, we have lustful thoughts, often taking a simple image and turning it into something sexual. We’ve viewed girls as objects, not as God’s creation. We’re sinful. We have no excuse. I’m sorry.

Girls, I ask you to help us with this battle. Once again, it is sin on our part and we are responsible for the impure thoughts that enter our minds. However, you can help us. The Bible discusses “stumbling blocks.” Many girls, whether they know it or not are stumbling blocks. You may say, “It’s not my fault if a guy lusts after me,” but if that’s your attitude, you are only contributing to a deadly problem. Girls, I plead that you won’t take that type of attitude, but rather will aim to help us guys who are struggling. You often don’t know how little it takes to set off a spark in our minds, but there’s little things you can do to help us with this issue. Consider the pictures you post on Facebook. Are you showing off your midriff? Do you show your off portions of your back? Are you showing the world your tattoos or piercings which are in “convenient” places? Do you post pictures of yourself at the beach or pictures of you and your friends in bikinis? You may think it’s completely innocent, but you have no idea what is happening in the mind of a guy when he sees that. You may say that it’s no different than what a guy would see at the pool or beach. While that may be true, I implore that you aim to be modest when at the pool or beach. Not only that, but please remember that the pictures you post on Facebook and MySpace–the pictures that show up in our main feed and stay there for days–are a constant visual reminder of your your body, bikini, stomach, tan lines, etc. Do you want our minds dwelling on that image for days?

Unfortunately, this issue is very prominent inside the church as well. It constantly amazes me what some girls wear to church. Once again, if we lust it is our sin, but girls there is no need to show cleavage in any circumstance, most notable inside the walls of the church. Whether it’s showing cleavage, a “shadow,” or just allowing your shirt/blouse to reveal too much skin, your dress can be very distracting to our worship. When we are trying to concentrate on the things of God, the last thing we need is a lustful distraction. This makes me sick and I feel like it is a battle I have to face many Sundays. Whether it is a girl wearing a skirt that is too short or a girl wearing a top that is either too low cut or too loose fitting, I hate trying to have a conversation with a girl while my concentration is constantly being tempted by something else.

I have a fear that many girls who read this will champion the cause but never stop to think about their own dress, actions, or pictures. Unfortunately, for many girls, the definition of modesty is “any girl who dresses more immodest than me.” That definition is dangerous and self-righteous.

I also have a fear that many girls do the things they do to attract certain attention. They want to receive attention from guys and/or want to feel good about themselves. They affirm themselves by receiving glances/stares from men. Once again, this is a dangerous problem with pride at its root. If a girl dresses provocatively to receive attention, is she truly receiving attention that glorifies God, or is she the object of another man’s lust. Sadly, for many girls, I don’t think it matters…as long as they receive the attention.

Girls, I ask you for your help. Help the husbands who are trying to stay faithful to their wives in thoughts and actions. Help the boyfriends who are trying to stay faithful to their girlfriends through pure thoughts and deeds. Help the single men who may be struggling to find some type of intimate fulfillment. In a world that is becoming more pornographic everyday, I plead you to take a stand right now and decide to become part of the solution and not part of the problem. I do not believe you can take a neutral stand on this position.

If this was an issue that only affected a small portion of guys, or only applied to the girls we label as “sluts,” I would not even mention it. Unfortunately, I believe this problem affects nearly every man on this planet. Sadly, stumbling blocks have come from girls who are friends inside and outside the church, acquaintances, and mere strangers.

Francis Chan says that every morning we should ask God, “Are the things I’m wearing bringing glory to Your name?” There is no neutral answer. Either we honor God with our bodies and our dress, or we dishonor His name.

Girls, please help us in this fight. If you could see inside our heads for just 1 minute, it might revolutionize everything about the way you live. We need your help. Please don’t be that stumbling. Rather, be the godly encouragement every man needs.

Today marks the 3rd and final day for my discussion on modesty. Instead of writing more of my own opinions, I thought I would share with you some actual statistics. Alex and Brett Harris of TheRebelution.com put together a Modesty Survey Team to collect results on the issue of modesty. Over 200 Christian girls submitted their questions. In less than 20 days, 1,600 guys responded.

I’m not going to go too in-depth with this. If you want to check out the entire survey, you can read the results by clicking here or by clicking the banner at the top of the page. I just want to provide you with a few statistics that were eye-opening to me:

For this format, a statement was made, and guys answered if they Strongly Agreed, Agreed, were Neutral, Disagreed, or Strongly Disagreed. I’ve broken down the answers a little bit more. Remember, girls asked the questions. Guys answered. The percentages reflect the answers of the guys.

Don’t forget…when guys said that something is a stumbling block, they were literally saying it is something that causes them to lust/sin.

Guys notice whether a girl dresses modestly or not: 96.3% agreed

Seeing even an inch of skin between the bottom of a girl’s shirt and her pants is a stumbling block: 71.3% agreed

You have less respect for an immodest girl than for a modest one: 75.6% agreed

Wearing pants with words across the backside is a stumbling block: 84.3% agreed

Zipping a form-fitting jacket to just below the chest draws too much attention to the bust: 56.8% agreed

It is okay for girls to wear tighter and/or more revealing clothes if they are working out: 52.4% disagreed

Showing any cleavage is immodest: 70.4% agreed.

Bending over so that cleavage is visible down the front of the shirt or dress is a stumbling block: 89.8% agreed

Skin-tight jeans are a stumbling block: 76.2% agreed

A girl’s physical posture and/or position can be a stumbling block: 84.7% agreed

The lines of undergarments, visible under clothing, cause guys to stumble: 71.6% agreed

A girl’s underwear should never show: 89.5% agreed

A girl bending over and exposing her lower back is a stumbling block: 63.6% agreed

A shirt buttoned to just under the bust is a stumbling block, even if a modest shirt is worn underneath: 41.6% agreed

Knee-length skirts are modest: 71.8% agreed

Miniskirts are immodest: 93.1% agreed

Seeing a girl stretching (e.g. arching the back, reaching the arms back, and sticking out the chest) is a stumbling block: 56.8% agreed

Today is Part II of my discussion on modesty. Yesterday I discussed modesty for girls. Today, I’m discussing modesty for guys. I’m really excited about tomorrow’s blog. Alex and Brett Harris, authors of Do Hard Things, founds of www.therebelution.com, and all around great guys have done some extensive research on modesty. Some of the results might shock you. I’m going to share some of their results tomorrow. Don’t miss it. But now…onto the guys…

We often don’t think about modesty when it comes to guys, but it’s a very real issue. For instance, just look in a catalogs for Abercrombie & Fitch. No wait! Don’t!!! It’s pretty close to soft core porn. Everyone in the magazines has shirts off and they’re all wearing visible underwear of some sort. And I don’t think I have to tell you that none of the people in the catalogs look like Ruben Studdard or Rosie O’Donnell. Some stores even have shirtless guys standing outside or inside to attract female attention. 

Although females tend to be less visual than males, they are not completely exempt from being tempted by lust. Guys, whether through ignorance or even purpose, we can be stumbling blocks to girls. If you’ve ever been to the gym, think about the guys you see there. Are they only there to workout? Are they only there because they want to get in great shape? A lot of guys go to the gym simply to impress women. And very few of these guys workout in long-sleeve t-shirts or sweatshirts. Usually it’s minimal clothing or something that shows off muscles and form. Need more evidence? Just look around at a public pool. Just like girls try to entice men with dress, men do the same thing. Granted, guys are a lot less successful at pulling it off, but it still happens. Guys can be stumbling blocks to women.

Another failure of guys is that we do very little to help promote modesty in women. It’s hard to endorse modesty when we speak of girls being “hot” or “sexy.” When we treat women like objects and not like individuals made in God’s image, we devalue modesty. Why would a girl want to dress modest if guys only notice skins who show lots of skin? Sadly, we don’t send a message of value. With the way we act and talk, we tell girls that we only like girls that show cleavage, their stomachs, have dark tans, bleached blonde hair, and specific tattoos and piercings. We don’t endorse modesty; we endorse promiscuity and provocative dressing.  

Almost any girl will tell you that she’d rather be called “beautiful” than “hot.” Almost any girl will also tell you she’d rather be loved for her beautiful personality rather than her sexy looks. The sad thing is guys are sending out a message that says, “We don’t care about your personality or your modesty. We only care about what drives our hormones.” 

Guys, if we want girls to uphold modesty, we must endorse it and live it ourselves. We can’t expect girls to dress and act in a way that glorifies God if our minds are focused on the girls in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

The root of the matter goes back to sin. Lust is a rampant problem with guys. Yes, girls should do their part by dressing in a modest fashion, but guys, even if they don’t, we have a responsibility to keep our minds pure and keep our eyes away from the things that cause us to sin. In Job 31, Job said he made a covenant with his eyes not to look lustfully at another woman. That’s not some superhero ability. That’s not something only reserved for saints. That’s not something that only applied in the Old Testament. That should be and needs to be the covenant of every man!

Guys, not only do we need to dress modestly, but we need to give girls a reason to dress modestly. Even if that’s not taking place, we have a responsibility to be holy and keep our minds pure. In many ways it’s an equal partnership between males and females. While it is more difficult if one gender doesn’t keep to their end of the deal, we’re all required to live lives that glorify and honor God with our entire being.

If you read the title, right away you’re probably thinking “What makes him such an expert?” The honest truth: nothing. But I would like to include some thoughts on this post about modesty. Today and tomorrow I want to discuss the issues of modesty. Today, I want to talk about girls and modesty. Tomorrow, I’m going to discuss the issue concerning guys. Like I said, I’m no expert, but I do want to make a few observations and suggestions. 

I was greatly encouraged several days ago when I read an article that said modesty was making a comeback with tween and teen girls. The article said that girls were trading in the mini-skirts and belly shirts for clothes that were much more comfortable (and warmer). The article credited “teen idols” such as Miley Cyrus for starting new trends that promoted modesty over promiscuity. 

Unfortunately, that has not permeated to our entire culture. Sadly, not even everyone in the church practices modesty. 

I had a discussion with a female friend of mine. I asked her about the motivation girls have when wearing provocative clothing. She said that 1 of 2 things is usually true: 1) Girls are completely ignorant and have no idea that something they’re wearing is provocative or could be a stumbling block to guys; 2) Girls dress immodest (or slightly revealing) on purpose to attract attention from guys. Either way, the issue is a problem!

Now as a guy, I know the responsibility and blame doesn’t fall squarely on the shoulders of girls. After all, a girl could could be dressed in an oversized sweater, overalls covered by ski pants, and a mask, and some guys could still find a way to fall. However, females DO have a responsibility when it comes to modesty. And saying “Guys should be more responsible” or even saying “Guys are perverts. It’s not my fault” is not always a viable excuse. 

Before I start talking in a practical sense, I request that girls ask themselves, “What does my style of dress represent and say about me?” Is there a reason you wear shirts that are loose or even tight fitting? Is there a reason why you wear a shirt that is low-cut or comes up to the neck? Is there a reason why you wear a shirt that shows your stomach or lower back shows when you bend over or stretch? Is there a reason why your jeans are as tight or loose as they are?

If that’s something you’ve never thought about, maybe you should think about it. You may learn more about yourself than you think. And if you shrug it off and say “That’s stupid. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about” then maybe you’re absolutely right, or maybe you just said something about yourself.

Modesty is important because we are made in the image of God and our bodies should be used to serve and glorify Him. Dressing immodest says we don’t have enough respect for ourselves or people of the opposite sex. However, our bodies are a temple. What we wear and how we wear it should reflect the our love for God; not worldly desires.

Girls, you can take this or leave it, but I’m going to offer you a few pieces of advice from a guy’s perspective. Like I said, I’m not an expert, but I am a guy and I know how most guys think. 

Think about the skin you’re showing.
In some ways, this is obvious. We all know that showing lots of cleavage or wearing really short mini-skirts is immodest. However, it goes deeper than that. A lot of girls don’t consider showing their stomachs or lower back as a big issue. Even if a shirt covers the stomach, some girls don’t think twice about stretching and showing off small amounts of skin in front of guys. Likewise, a lot of girls don’t think about low-cut shirts. For some, showing only a little bit isn’t “that bad.”

What girls don’t understand is showing only “a little bit” can actually be showing a lot to guys. Girls, showing your stomach or lower back can be a major stumbling block to a guy. Also, just because you don’t think a shirt is low cut doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t. Consider this: most guys are taller than girls. A guy that is 7 inches taller can see a lot more of a girl than a girl realizes. Even showing just a “shadow” or a small amount of cleavage is too much! 

Here’s some things girls may want to try out. To check about the modesty of your shirt, raise your arms high in the air like you’re on a roller coaster. How much skin do you show? Also, sit down in a chair and let another girl stand up next to you. How low cut does your shirt appear from her angle? Also, consider how much skin you show when you bend over to pick something up? Does your entire lower back show? Does your shirt reveal too much?

This may sound crazy, but these are real issues! Some guys have the mentality that “if I can see it, I can get it.” Girls, is that how you want a guy to think about you?

Some clothes are way too tight!
Something that’s easy to overlook is how tight clothes fit. Girls, take some time to realize how tight your clothes are. Do your shirts show off the form of your body? Do your jeans show off your figure? If your clothes are doing more than just fitting, you may need to move up another size. Yes, it may be tough to deal with, but it’s better for everyone if you do. Your clothes shouldn’t look like someone spray-painted them on. They also shouldn’t look like they were impossible to get on.

Be observant of why you act the way you do and why you wear the things you wear
Modesty doesn’t just apply to specific clothing. You can also be immodest in your actions. How you carry yourself says a lot about who you are. If you carry yourself in a way that does more to attract guys than glorify God, you have a problem. Be the lady God created you to be. “Flaunting it” is not a biblical command and will do more harm than good. 

Girls, I don’t write this to attack or point the finger. I write this as a plea to win the war on modesty and help win the war on purity. By dressing and acting modestly, you are not only helping yourselves, but you are helping guys everywhere with their battle. We are all created in the image of God. It’s wrong for all of us to lust and it’s wrong for all us of us act in a way that is displeasing to God. Girls, take some time to consider your actions and your dress. This may not apply to you, but it might! With issues like modesty, it’s usually the girls who are most concerned that are dressing modest, and the girls who think it doesn’t apply to them that need the most help.

Guys…we’re tomorrow!

I heard a pastor tell a story about a sermon he preached on modesty. While he was preaching, a woman, dressed in an provocative leather tube top kept “amen”ing everything he said. Why? Because in that woman’s mind, she dressed modest, and immodesty began with women that dressed worse than her.

Modesty is obviously a major issue in our culture. My high school had to make a rule said a girl’s shirt had to cover her entire stomach. The outrage was amazing! Certain towns have tried to pass laws that outlaw sagging pants. The outrage over that has been amazing as well! Read more…