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To Any Girl Who May Read This:

First of all I want to apologize. I want to apologize on behalf of males everywhere. We are sinful people. Unfortunately girls, many of those sins involve you. As males, we are visual creatures. We take things we see and we process them in our mind and over and over again. Those images become imprinted upon our minds. Sadly, we take things we see much further than we should. We lust. We sin. It’s our fault. It’s 100% our fault. We can’t blame this on anyone else. When we sin it’s because we have chosen to let our mind escape God’s plan for us to be pure and holy. Instead, we have lustful thoughts, often taking a simple image and turning it into something sexual. We’ve viewed girls as objects, not as God’s creation. We’re sinful. We have no excuse. I’m sorry.

Girls, I ask you to help us with this battle. Once again, it is sin on our part and we are responsible for the impure thoughts that enter our minds. However, you can help us. The Bible discusses “stumbling blocks.” Many girls, whether they know it or not are stumbling blocks. You may say, “It’s not my fault if a guy lusts after me,” but if that’s your attitude, you are only contributing to a deadly problem. Girls, I plead that you won’t take that type of attitude, but rather will aim to help us guys who are struggling. You often don’t know how little it takes to set off a spark in our minds, but there’s little things you can do to help us with this issue. Consider the pictures you post on Facebook. Are you showing off your midriff? Do you show your off portions of your back? Are you showing the world your tattoos or piercings which are in “convenient” places? Do you post pictures of yourself at the beach or pictures of you and your friends in bikinis? You may think it’s completely innocent, but you have no idea what is happening in the mind of a guy when he sees that. You may say that it’s no different than what a guy would see at the pool or beach. While that may be true, I implore that you aim to be modest when at the pool or beach. Not only that, but please remember that the pictures you post on Facebook and MySpace–the pictures that show up in our main feed and stay there for days–are a constant visual reminder of your your body, bikini, stomach, tan lines, etc. Do you want our minds dwelling on that image for days?

Unfortunately, this issue is very prominent inside the church as well. It constantly amazes me what some girls wear to church. Once again, if we lust it is our sin, but girls there is no need to show cleavage in any circumstance, most notable inside the walls of the church. Whether it’s showing cleavage, a “shadow,” or just allowing your shirt/blouse to reveal too much skin, your dress can be very distracting to our worship. When we are trying to concentrate on the things of God, the last thing we need is a lustful distraction. This makes me sick and I feel like it is a battle I have to face many Sundays. Whether it is a girl wearing a skirt that is too short or a girl wearing a top that is either too low cut or too loose fitting, I hate trying to have a conversation with a girl while my concentration is constantly being tempted by something else.

I have a fear that many girls who read this will champion the cause but never stop to think about their own dress, actions, or pictures. Unfortunately, for many girls, the definition of modesty is “any girl who dresses more immodest than me.” That definition is dangerous and self-righteous.

I also have a fear that many girls do the things they do to attract certain attention. They want to receive attention from guys and/or want to feel good about themselves. They affirm themselves by receiving glances/stares from men. Once again, this is a dangerous problem with pride at its root. If a girl dresses provocatively to receive attention, is she truly receiving attention that glorifies God, or is she the object of another man’s lust. Sadly, for many girls, I don’t think it matters…as long as they receive the attention.

Girls, I ask you for your help. Help the husbands who are trying to stay faithful to their wives in thoughts and actions. Help the boyfriends who are trying to stay faithful to their girlfriends through pure thoughts and deeds. Help the single men who may be struggling to find some type of intimate fulfillment. In a world that is becoming more pornographic everyday, I plead you to take a stand right now and decide to become part of the solution and not part of the problem. I do not believe you can take a neutral stand on this position.

If this was an issue that only affected a small portion of guys, or only applied to the girls we label as “sluts,” I would not even mention it. Unfortunately, I believe this problem affects nearly every man on this planet. Sadly, stumbling blocks have come from girls who are friends inside and outside the church, acquaintances, and mere strangers.

Francis Chan says that every morning we should ask God, “Are the things I’m wearing bringing glory to Your name?” There is no neutral answer. Either we honor God with our bodies and our dress, or we dishonor His name.

Girls, please help us in this fight. If you could see inside our heads for just 1 minute, it might revolutionize everything about the way you live. We need your help. Please don’t be that stumbling. Rather, be the godly encouragement every man needs.

If you read the title, right away you’re probably thinking “What makes him such an expert?” The honest truth: nothing. But I would like to include some thoughts on this post about modesty. Today and tomorrow I want to discuss the issues of modesty. Today, I want to talk about girls and modesty. Tomorrow, I’m going to discuss the issue concerning guys. Like I said, I’m no expert, but I do want to make a few observations and suggestions. 

I was greatly encouraged several days ago when I read an article that said modesty was making a comeback with tween and teen girls. The article said that girls were trading in the mini-skirts and belly shirts for clothes that were much more comfortable (and warmer). The article credited “teen idols” such as Miley Cyrus for starting new trends that promoted modesty over promiscuity. 

Unfortunately, that has not permeated to our entire culture. Sadly, not even everyone in the church practices modesty. 

I had a discussion with a female friend of mine. I asked her about the motivation girls have when wearing provocative clothing. She said that 1 of 2 things is usually true: 1) Girls are completely ignorant and have no idea that something they’re wearing is provocative or could be a stumbling block to guys; 2) Girls dress immodest (or slightly revealing) on purpose to attract attention from guys. Either way, the issue is a problem!

Now as a guy, I know the responsibility and blame doesn’t fall squarely on the shoulders of girls. After all, a girl could could be dressed in an oversized sweater, overalls covered by ski pants, and a mask, and some guys could still find a way to fall. However, females DO have a responsibility when it comes to modesty. And saying “Guys should be more responsible” or even saying “Guys are perverts. It’s not my fault” is not always a viable excuse. 

Before I start talking in a practical sense, I request that girls ask themselves, “What does my style of dress represent and say about me?” Is there a reason you wear shirts that are loose or even tight fitting? Is there a reason why you wear a shirt that is low-cut or comes up to the neck? Is there a reason why you wear a shirt that shows your stomach or lower back shows when you bend over or stretch? Is there a reason why your jeans are as tight or loose as they are?

If that’s something you’ve never thought about, maybe you should think about it. You may learn more about yourself than you think. And if you shrug it off and say “That’s stupid. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about” then maybe you’re absolutely right, or maybe you just said something about yourself.

Modesty is important because we are made in the image of God and our bodies should be used to serve and glorify Him. Dressing immodest says we don’t have enough respect for ourselves or people of the opposite sex. However, our bodies are a temple. What we wear and how we wear it should reflect the our love for God; not worldly desires.

Girls, you can take this or leave it, but I’m going to offer you a few pieces of advice from a guy’s perspective. Like I said, I’m not an expert, but I am a guy and I know how most guys think. 

Think about the skin you’re showing.
In some ways, this is obvious. We all know that showing lots of cleavage or wearing really short mini-skirts is immodest. However, it goes deeper than that. A lot of girls don’t consider showing their stomachs or lower back as a big issue. Even if a shirt covers the stomach, some girls don’t think twice about stretching and showing off small amounts of skin in front of guys. Likewise, a lot of girls don’t think about low-cut shirts. For some, showing only a little bit isn’t “that bad.”

What girls don’t understand is showing only “a little bit” can actually be showing a lot to guys. Girls, showing your stomach or lower back can be a major stumbling block to a guy. Also, just because you don’t think a shirt is low cut doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t. Consider this: most guys are taller than girls. A guy that is 7 inches taller can see a lot more of a girl than a girl realizes. Even showing just a “shadow” or a small amount of cleavage is too much! 

Here’s some things girls may want to try out. To check about the modesty of your shirt, raise your arms high in the air like you’re on a roller coaster. How much skin do you show? Also, sit down in a chair and let another girl stand up next to you. How low cut does your shirt appear from her angle? Also, consider how much skin you show when you bend over to pick something up? Does your entire lower back show? Does your shirt reveal too much?

This may sound crazy, but these are real issues! Some guys have the mentality that “if I can see it, I can get it.” Girls, is that how you want a guy to think about you?

Some clothes are way too tight!
Something that’s easy to overlook is how tight clothes fit. Girls, take some time to realize how tight your clothes are. Do your shirts show off the form of your body? Do your jeans show off your figure? If your clothes are doing more than just fitting, you may need to move up another size. Yes, it may be tough to deal with, but it’s better for everyone if you do. Your clothes shouldn’t look like someone spray-painted them on. They also shouldn’t look like they were impossible to get on.

Be observant of why you act the way you do and why you wear the things you wear
Modesty doesn’t just apply to specific clothing. You can also be immodest in your actions. How you carry yourself says a lot about who you are. If you carry yourself in a way that does more to attract guys than glorify God, you have a problem. Be the lady God created you to be. “Flaunting it” is not a biblical command and will do more harm than good. 

Girls, I don’t write this to attack or point the finger. I write this as a plea to win the war on modesty and help win the war on purity. By dressing and acting modestly, you are not only helping yourselves, but you are helping guys everywhere with their battle. We are all created in the image of God. It’s wrong for all of us to lust and it’s wrong for all us of us act in a way that is displeasing to God. Girls, take some time to consider your actions and your dress. This may not apply to you, but it might! With issues like modesty, it’s usually the girls who are most concerned that are dressing modest, and the girls who think it doesn’t apply to them that need the most help.

Guys…we’re tomorrow!

On Sunday night, my pastor continued with his series on the Sermon on the Mount. One great thing about preaching a series is that when you come to a controversial passage, you can preach it and no one can complain about you singling them out. One bad thing about preaching a series is that when you come to a controversial passage, you have to preach it!

Sunday night’s message came from Matthew 5:27-30 and focused on the topic very few people like to talk about, Lust and Adultery. 

The pastor said many things that have resonated in my head, but one that rises to the top is: “Window shopping can be very dangerous!” Read more…