The Bachelor makes me feel insecure. As a bachelor myself, it seems like it shouldn’t or wouldn’t, but it does. Is it crazy that some reality-TV show could make me feel this way? Maybe. But I think the power that lies behind it is deeper than we actually think.
Although I’m not a fan of The Bachelor and do not watch it regularly, I’ve seen and read enough about it to know the premise, the controversies, the proposals, the fighting, the breakups, etc. And no matter how ridiculous I think the show can be, it still makes me feel insecure.
You see, the guys they get for The Bachelor aren’t anything like me. In fact, the guys they find aren’t like most of us. Through their ultra-selective profiling and filtering, ABC finds the most attractive, charming, and financially secure (aka rich) men to headline the show.
While the the “bachelors” not only have looks and money, they’re also given an inexhaustible budget for their dates. If they want to fly a girl to an exotic island for the weekend, they can do it. If they want to take a girl hiking in the Grand Canyon, they can do it. If they want to sent up a romantic dinner on the beach with champagne and expensive food, they can do it. Why? Because when the cameras are off, ABC sets it all up for them. In fact, I doubt the people on the show have to do much thinking at all. Everything is already laid out for them.
So maybe you can start to see where my insecurities come in. This picture that we paint as “reality,” features a rich GQ model who can make any girl’s dream come true, simply because he has a budget that has been given to him by a network. Sadly, we look at this and call it “romance.”
Some women may read this and argue that their love for the show has nothing to do with the good looks of the bachelor, his charm (how much of a factor is ABC’s editing in this factor?), or his money. Maybe. But I’ve heard men put up similar arguments and say they only go to Hooters because of the wings, or only watch Baywatch because they love David Hasselhoff’s acting.
Do you remember the show Average Joe? Probably not because it was canceled after a short time on TV. It was a show much like The Bachelor, only it featured one beautiful person to be “won,” and all of the “competitors” were average people. Like I said, it didn’t last. Even so, at the end of the first 2 seasons, the “beautiful” person had their choice of an “average joe” or a model…and the shallow models won out both times.
Still, some might argue that romance is the key factor. However, how real is the romance? After all, most of the men on the show kiss several women within hours of each other. And then you have the hot tub visits, the overnight stays, and yada yada yada. If you want a taste of reality, consider this: Out of the 13 seasons, only 1 couple from the show is still together…and they even broke up for about a year.
So maybe now you can see my insecurity. I’m not good looking like the guys on the show. I don’t have a successful career and lots of money. I don’t have a network paying for exotic expensive dates or paying for roses that I can give out each week. Unfortunately, I have a feeling that that is what so many women are craving. They’re craving that false sense of romance they see on TV for 1 hour a week. They’re craving a good-looking guy who has charm and lots of money. They’re craving romance that seems perfected and utopian through the screen of their TV. They’re craving something that really isn’t reality at all.
Let me offer this apology to women on behalf of men. I’m sorry if we’ve ever made you feel inadequate when we see a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition on the shelves. I’m sorry if we’ve lied and spent time at restaurants simply because of the waitresses and not the food. I’m sorry if we’ve stared at the opposite sex in a way that has made you feel uncomfortable or insecure. We’re guilty of this too. And we’re without excuse.
Now I seem to know how you feel. And maybe that’s why The Bachelor makes me feel so insecure.