The Other “Occupy” Movements

Author: DavidJones  //  Category: Uncategorized

Since we haven’t seen enough jokes about Occupy Wall Street (riiight), here are a few other “Occupy” movements that are quite popular, but haven’t gained as much national attention.

Occupy My Pew- I’ll get to church 45 minutes early just so no one else can take the pew I’ve been setting in for the past 38 years.

Occupy the Deli- Using basketball’s “blocking out” method to make sure no one else gets the food you’re eyeing.

Occupy Target- The art of sitting outside Target at 11:00 PM on Thanksgiving night to ensure you will save $2.50 on a video game on Black Friday.

Occupy Twitter- The art of self-promotion. Tweeting nonstop so you show up on everyone’s main feed daily.

Occupy Jeans- Guys wearing jeans that were made for girls. They’re so tight that there’s absolutely no room for space between leg and denim. Not even a can of denim spray paint could make them look tighter.

Occupy the Bathroom- You made a late night run for the border. Now you’re…yeah, you can figure out the rest of the Taco Bell joke.

Occupy Walmart- Have nothing else to do with your kids on a Friday night? Let em loose in Walmart and let them ride the bikes, run all over the store, and leave things in the aisle. This seems to be very popular in Nashville.

Occupy Cracker Barrel Rocking Chains- The “Occupy” movement perfected by the 65+ crowd. They’re there when you arrive; they’re there when you leave.

Occupy a Mediocre TV Station- Check out the listings for the CW.

Occupy Sesame Street- If this was New York City, the police would have already asked Oscar to grab his things and keep moving along.

Occupy the Buffet- If you’re a fellow Baptist, no explanation needed!

 

Image Source: http://bit.ly/nfHImp

Tweeting With Bart Millard

Author: DavidJones  //  Category: Music, Random, Sports

This just happened. Simply awesome…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Be That Guy Part II

Author: DavidJones  //  Category: Random

Over two years ago, I came out with the first installment of “Don’t Be That Guy.” (You can view that post by clicking here) Since the time of that post, there have been plenty of things that have made my shake my head and say, “Don’t be that guy!” So, thanks to all the stupid stuff we’ve witnessed, we’ve said, and we’ve done (me especially, I now give you the second installment of “Don’t Be That Guy!”

The guy who rolls up to the gas station, keeps his car running, rolls down his windows, and cracks up the bass of his gansta rap so we can all hear it—don’t be that guy.

The guy who follows every tweet with a passive-aggressive indirect counter-tweet—don’t be that guy.

The guy who is such a close-talker that I can identify his brand of toothpaste…or lack of—don’t be that guy.

The guy who makes fun of Star Wars fanatics but has a house full of sports action figures (“They’re memorabilia!”) —don’t be that guy.

The guy who comes from an upper middle class society but tries to dress homeless—don’t be that guy.

The guy who hasn’t read a book in the last year but can quote the schedule lineup for Spike TV—don’t be that guy.

The guy who is headed to the ER because he had to prove he could eat the hottest chicken wings in existence—don’t be that guy.

The guy who says, “Can I get an RT?” on Twitter—don’t be that guy.

The guy who constantly tells me how awesome his fantasy football team is—don’t be that guy.

The guy who thinks he’s too “manly” to enjoy animated movies—don’t be that guy.

The guy who buys into every Facebook conspiracy he hears (“Facebook will start charging money!” “Facebook is selling your Social Security numbers!”)—don’t be that guy.

The guy who tells me my sports team “stinks” even though they’re in the playoffs and his team finished 22 games out—don’t be that guy.

The guy who refuses to vote or register to vote but still feels entitled to complain about the President or government—don’t be that guy.

The guy who recommended the second and third Transformers movies to me—don’t be that guy.

The guy who orders water at a fast-food restaurant but then fills up his cup with soda—don’t be that guy.

The guy who judges people’s worth by their number of Facebook friends—don’t be that guy.

The guy who doesn’t know the difference between “you’re”, “your”, and “ur”—don’t be that guy.

The guy who defines “turn signal” as “20 inch wheels coming into my lane and forcing me off the road”—don’t be that guy.

The guy who tries to mask his ignorance of important topics by saying “I just don’t think this is a relevant discussion”—don’t be that guy.

Nyjer Morgan—don’t be that guy.

The guy who creates his own nickname—don’t be that guy.

The guy who believes Axe Body Spray is a suitable substitute for a shower—don’t be that guy.

The guy who is barefoot, always playing guitar, and keeps making creepy eye contact with people while playing songs by Dave Matthews Band—don’t be that guy.

The guy who claims, “No, it’s cool! I’m really good at texting while driving”—don’t be that guy.

The guy who thinks replacing the toilet paper roll is as difficult as quantum physics—don’t be that guy.

The guy who follows 4,000 people on Twitter and then unfollows them as soon as they follow him back—don’t be that guy.

The guy who thinks it’s a “travesty” that Michael Bay has not won an Oscar for “Best Director”—don’t be that guy.

The guy who thinks a shaved head and TapouT or Affliction t-shirt makes him an instant MMA fighter—don’t be that guy.

Why I Quit Blogging

Author: DavidJones  //  Category: Uncategorized

I don’t have time.