What Does It Mean to Be Transparent With One Another?
Author: DavidJones // Category: The Church
Lately in our Connection Group at Cofer’s Chapel, we’ve been discussing the need to be transparent and authentic with one another. I truly believe that believers will struggle to grow in their faith if they cannot be “real” with each other. Oftentimes we enter the church with a smile on our face, a voice that’s ready to sing, and a mind that’s ready to answer a few “Bible” questions. We wear our Sunday clothes, enjoy talking with our friends, and love feeling “spiritual” for 1-2 hours.
Unfortunately, many times that’s never “us.” While we play the part of a “Sunday Christian” very well, we remain dishonest with ourselves and others. If we’re struggling with sin, we don’t want others to see it. If there’s a problem in our life, we keep it quiet. Instead of being transparent with one another and with God, we convince ourselves that we’re “alright” and we don’t need to be real with others.
We do that for several reasons, yet all of them seem to be rooted in pride. We don’t like admitting to other people that we’ve messed up. We also don’t like admitting to ourselves that we need to make a change. Repentance is a struggle. It takes effort. It’s much easier to remain comfortable in our current lifestyle than to make a change.
As believers, we desperately need to be transparent/authentic/real with one another. We need to foster the types of relationships where we can go to one another in honesty and love and admit our failures and seek guidance and prayer in doing better.
When we refuse to be real, we only hurt ourselves. We can show up on Sundays and play the part, but we’re not sharpening our faith; only our acting skills.
Just by examining my own life, I’m seeing the desperate need to be authentic. I want to be transparent to my friends, my family, and my church. I want people to look at me on a Sunday or a Thursday and I know I’m being real. I want them to see my successes and failures and know they’re seeing the real me; not just some imitation that shows up to church on a Sunday.
One of the things I’m trying to figure out is how do we get to the place of being transparent with one another in a small group setting. What does it mean to be transparent with one another in a small group setting? Is there something that helps facilitate this or does it just take time? I would love to hear your feedback if you have any.
One thing I’ve learned for sure: Where hypocrisy exists, there can be no transparency or authenticity.
It’s very ironic. We may try to hide our true selves from others, but God sees right through it.
Tags: authentic, real, Transparent
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:43 am
In my experiences, it takes about 2 to 3 years of work for a small group to become authentic with each other and even then only about 60% of the group will be authentic. It’s also rarely fostered in the group. Authenticity is almost exclusively achieved through time outside the typical group setting. This great guy, Jonathan Yandell, once told me that love is spelled T-I-M-E and the older I get the more I realize that. Love is the predecessor to authenticity.
When small groups get together regularly to just hang out more opportunities are given to be authentic. For instance, it’s easier for one guy to tell another guy that he loves and trusts that he’s struggling with anger. If the two guys have spent a decent amount of time together the revelation shouldn’t be shock – signs probably have popped up the more time the guys have spent together. It’s then easier for the guy struggling to bring it to the larger group once he’s shared with one guy, but it started with time together.
Too often small groups are used to help people meet other people but the groups don’t stay together long enough to get past the acting stage and don’t do enough together to really bond.
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:56 am
Thanks Joe. That’s exactly the response I was looking for. Very encouraging information for the most part.